Sunset

Still Alive

Will post again when I find something meaningful to write about. Or if I get bored shitless.

Stupidity Personified

Cashier: ID please.
Me: -offers Singapore driving license-
Cashier: We can't take this.
Me: Why? Because we're not a country? -trying to convey both irony and incredulity-
Cashier: Yeah ..
Me: -Realizes that the cashier's seriously dumb.- ..It is a country.
Cashier: Where is it?
Me: Asia.
Cashier: Nope, sorry, no can do.

-Back again with passport-
Cashier: Nope sorry, company policy.

Hannah

I got drunk last night, woke up at 9:34am this morning, and drove 20 miles to church.

The pastor was apparently in the middle of a character study series and today's was on Hannah, Samuel's mother. I vaguely remember hearing that story a long time ago in some church or another but the message this morning was exceptionally good. It was about suffering, and finding peace before being delivered from that suffering. Let me try to reproduce as much of its content as I can. Forgive any inaccuracies - I sat through the sermon in a state of very recent inebriation.

Hannah was barren. This was in a time when a family's economic prosperity depended a great deal on how many children you have as having more children meant more free labor to work on the farm. A woman's role in those days is mainly that of a mother and a nurturer; she would be almost useless if she was unable to conceive.

Her husband loved and doted on her, giving her double portions of food, etc, but she was still miserable. The provocations of a rival(that was the translation on the slide, I was too lazy to fish out my iphone) didn't help, and when she was praying in the temple, Eli the priest thought she was drunk and reprimanded her. Priest fail.

To sum it up, she was depressed to the point where she stopped eating and spent a great deal of time wailing. One day she decided enough was enough, walked to the temple, and prayed to God asking him to open her womb and bless her with a son, saying that if he does so, she would dedicate her son to the temple and no razor shall ever touch his head. The first thought that came to my mind was that she was simply bargaining with God, like what a lot of Christians do these days - Give me a promotion and I'll double my tithes. Grant me economic success if I give liberally to my church so my pastor can play polo and own half of east coast park.

The pastor went on to say just that - that some of us might think that she was bargaining with God, but the difference is that when people bargain with God, they do it mainly out of self-interest, whereas Hannah promised to give her son entirely to God. The pastor explained that sending one's son to the temple was almost like sending him to Jedi Academy; you essentially lose a son. I might argue that she still retains a certain measure of self-interest, that her rival would finally shut the f up, and that her pride would be somewhat restored. But I shall let that pass.

The key here is that immediately after praying, she was at peace. She went to eat, and her face was no longer downcast. That's the message I guess, that we not find peace after God delivers us from our suffering, but at the moment you commit the issue to God's hands.

Obviously, God answered her prayer, she bore a son, named him Samuel, sent him to the temple where he was witness to another episode of Eli's Priest-Fail, and became a great prophet for the Lord.

I didn't stay around after church to mingle though; my head weighed a ton, my mouth tasted and must have smelled, of stale alcohol, and I was starving. I'll head back to the church again soon enough.

The Birthday Entry

I recently passed the quarter mark in life; assuming I live to be a hundred, which incidentally, I've no desire to do. Alright, maybe a better way of putting it would be - it has recently come to my attention that I've lived a quarter of a century, a suitable point to look behind my shoulder and admire the messy trail left in my wake.

I paused a second to light a Parliament and collect my thoughts. Great brand of smokes, by the way, pity they don't carry them in Singapore. Yes, let's start there. I had my first smoke with people I regarded, and still do regard, as my closest friends. They've been my anchor and my toe-hold on sanity as I made my way through life. There for me when at 15 I called one up on the phone in the middle of the night in tears, heart-broken upon hearing that the only girl I thought I could ever love got together with another boy. There for me some years later when the people around me thought of me as little more than a superficial asshole.

It's fortunate for me, that they're not alone. I've friends whom I treasure, whom I pray hold me as dear as I hold them. Without them I would be lost, and though right now I'm physically over 8000 miles away from them, I'm thankful that I can call them friends.

Another break, while I walk back into the apartment to grab a Kirin and light another Parli. Beer and cigarettes. I get the impression that people generally regard me as frivolous and undependable; the go-to guy when one's looking for shits and giggles for sure, but not someone one can trust. I used to pride myself, in my younger days, on having what I thought was emotional maturity for my age, and on being a good listener. Today, I'm not so sure.

A healthy dose of cynicism is now replaced by an almost utter lack of faith, in love, and in God. I used to believe unwaveringly in God, now I turn to Him only in dire straits - like when I'm caught in 1 inch/min traffic with a terribly upset stomach. I used to love, and love unreservedly. That mutated into the mantra "love, but express that love sparingly". Now the very notion of romantic love turns my stomach and empties the mind. I see success stories around me of course, and I don't discount them. I just don't see it happening to me.

It might sound a tad melodramatic to say something like that, but I guess it's a series of poorly made decisions and episodes of barking up the wrong trees that got me where I am now. I started down the slippery slope after the girlfriend who cheated on me and, I assert, made me lose my marbles. Efforts at regaining a foothold have been complete failures, accelerating my descent each time it happens. I still cling on to a silver of hope, that I'll be able to approach whatever comes next with a little more De Profundis and a lot less Picture of Dorian Gray. We shall see how that works out.

I've stumbled through life shackled to both sloth and nonchalance. I found within myself not a lack of ambition but the distinct abhorrence towards the work involved to get there. I've made rash and misguided trades in both the equities and currency exchange market and lost what to me is a princely sum. Together with friends, I've built elaborate castles in the air but failed to materialize any of them into concrete business ventures.

Through sheer luck, divine blessings and short, inconsistent spurts of diligence, I find myself now an undergraduate in NUS having gone through an exchange program in Canada and now participating in one of the more prestigious programs the university offers - a year long internship in Silicon Valley. What I do from here is almost entirely in my hands; whether I skirt-chase, booze, blaze and bum my way through the year or turn my life into something I can be proud of.

This seems like a pretty good note to end this post on. I've work tomorrow, and if I'm going to make something of it, I need to bring my A game. There are many things in my life I need to work on, and not skiving at work's a good start.

Peace.

(Almost) Reckless Abandon

Symphony.

Trying to keep oneself from feeling is like trying to contain a spider in a cup; the spider will relentlessly climb up the cup walls and you'll find yourself constantly rotating and flicking the cup to keep it in. Okay, perhaps that was a bad analogy. There's a reason why cliches become cliches - because they hold elements of truth.

Let's try it again. Trying to keep oneself from feeling is like holding water in an unwaxed paper cup. Sooner or later the water soaks through, and the paper breaks.

The bible talks about building a house on sand. When strong winds come, the house crashes. Foundation's important - build a house on solid rock and not on sand, says the Lord our God.

I should stop trying to run marathons drunk. Or launch off floating driftwood in a swamp.

Excuse me for now though, while I go retch in a canal.

Advertorial

Here you go, Amy.

Online shopping with a cute model here

Such a lovely place, Such a lovely face

It has been three weeks since I came to California. Predictably, I'm not done unpacking; there's still stuff in my luggage and scattered around my mattress on the floor. Apart from that I'm pretty much settled though. I've started work, got myself a car, got the car insured and registered, bought furniture, ensured a steady supply of beer at home and cooked a couple of times.

I'm still waiting for the Bank of America to send me my debit card that they promised to send 5 working days from the day I applied - 27th July. Heck, even the social security administration's more efficient; I received my social security card in the mail today. This means my company can start putting me on their payroll, and that I can get a cell plan and a new phone. It ain't cheap though, and weighing the benefits of getting an iphone 3gs and the cost involved is giving me a headache.

There's so much to say but I'm tired and I've work tomorrow. Ironically, although I'm the only one among my housemates who has a car, I leave home the earliest. Parking in Palo Alto is a bitch, and if I arrive too late at the Caltrain carpark, I don't get a lot and am condemned to shifting my car every two hours from zone to zone (there's a free parking limit of 2 hours per zone) until sometime after lunch when I can try my luck again at the Caltrain carpark.

There's an awesome climbing gym less than 5 minutes from my place that offers fitness and yoga classes as well. I tried the "Abs and Core" program and will probably do yoga this week. The climbing facilities are fantastic and I've made a friend. I wish you guys were here though.

When I sit at home and sip good beer, when I cook, and when I take in beautiful sights I wish the people back home could be with me, for life can only be truly enjoyed in the company of friends.

Yes, I know this post isn't very well written. In fact, I find myself second guessing my tenses and grammar these days. I need to read, and write a hell lot more.

Drop me a message every now and then, friends, life isn't the same without you.

Mine :)

I went car shopping today. Of course by that I meant calling people up on craigslist and going down to see the cars, not waltzing into car show rooms like I've a fat bank account - which I don't.

Saw a Mazda 626 first. The seller was this mexican guy who runs an auto shop. Pretty new, only 73k miles on it. Decided to continue searching.

Went up to Daly City, saw this fun looking but impractical car.

Continued viewing cars but couldn't get the impractical car outta my mind.

So ..



Yep, I got it. a 1991 Mazda MX-5 Miata.

High School

I was going through the remarks made by my form teachers during secondary schools, and thought them pretty amusing. Let me reproduce them here verbatim:

Secondary 1:

Sem 1: Disappointing Results. Has performed poorly. Good work attitude but failed to achieve good grades. needs to work very hard to pass the final exam. (is she implying im hardworking but dumb?!)

Sem 2: A capable pupil. Has potential (that's more like it.)

Secondary 2:

Sem 1: Shaun is capable of better performance (yawn)

Sem 2: Shaun is capable of better performance if he is not so complacent. He must put in more effort in his Maths and Chinese. More time should be spent on his studies rather than the internet.

Secondary 3:

Sem 1: Does not respond well to advice and corrections by teachers and needs to show more interest in class (Note: she was boring as hell.)

Sem 2: Disappointing results probably due to irregular attendeance. Hei s (sic) at times is late for school. Shaun needs self-discipline to pass his "O" levels next year. Essay Competition (3rd prize)

Secondary 4:

Sem 1: Shaun is under performing. He needs to be more focused and disciplined in his work attitude.

Sem 2: An intelligent student who has the potential to do well if he puts his mind to it.

And that, folks, sums up my secondary school years. Haha.

Ouch

"Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy." (Romans 13:13)

"But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat." (1 Corinthians 5:11)

"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

"The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God." (Galatians 5:19-21)

Damn harsh la. Whatever happened to grace, faith, and forgiveness. Jesus ate with tax collectors. I'm hurt.