28th September

I've been having this nagging feeling the entire day that 28th September is a date of some significance. I can't for the life of me remember what though. Facebook's of no help. Any of my close friends' birthday that I've unfortunately forgotten?

A million other things

And yes, I'm blogging once again when I should be doing a million other things. Sounds familiar? I remember a post similar to this sometime last year. Things are dire now though; I'm working, or rather, supposed to be working, on an asp.net project. Problem? I've no experience with the .NET framework, and self-learning's a bitch to me.

Maybe I'm not cut out for the IT field. And I've a business law essay to write, of which, of course, I've not started. Perhaps I'm not cut out for that.

What then, did Almighty God imbue me with, if neither math, nor programming, nor writing can I count as my forte.

I'm been trying to read a little of Friedrich Nietzsche's work. "Antichrist", despite it's intriguing sounding title, I find almost unreadable. He comes across more like a whiny, sarcastic teenager than a true adversary of God. His other musings about morality, honesty, and various other subjects interest me though. So if my later posts start reflecting similar views, you know who to blame.

Is honesty, truly the best policy? House said in one particular episode that there's a reason why everybody lies; it works, it's what makes society tick, and what separates Man, from Beast. Lying though, requires the invention of twenty other lies to cover any one. I read that in Nietzsche, but I've no idea if it originated from him.

How then, shall we live? In partial truths, one finds many friends. Does even the almighty reveal the full story? Did God incarnate speak plainly? Of course it's to protect our finite minds that certain truths are withheld. It follows then that it's to protect the gentler nature of the interlocutor that we dish out half-truths.

Wrapped, I know. But it makes for good reading, doesn't it? And that's why, my friend, you return again and again to read my writing. Do I believe in everything that I write? Maybe partially. There you go, another half-truth for ya.

Kite

There's something about cutting loose
the string of a kite
that invokes in people a sense of freedom;
of being untethered from restraints

to be allowed to soar
as high as one wants
carried by the breeze
soaring above the clouds

There's something about being carried by the breeze though, that people conveniently forget. There's no way to steer, and a kite cut loose is essentially at the mercy of the breeze. The perceived freedom is in fact an utter lack of control.

Yes of course there's undeniable exhilaration; dancing along with the breeze. The trouble starts when the air stills, and the kite comes crashing back towards the earth, far from where it previously was.

Hang on then, my friend, to the strings of your heart, remain in control and be ready to yank it sharply back. And as always, I should be talking to the man in the mirror; the one with the tiny, nondescript silver stud in his left ear.

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Now playing: u2 - kite
via FoxyTunes

Carpe Diem 2

In the Aeroplane over the Sea

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me

Anna's ghost all around
Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me
Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees  

Now how I remember you 
How I would push my fingers through
Your mouth to make those muscles move
That made your voice so smooth and sweet
And now we keep where we don't know
All secrets sleep in winter clothes
With one you loved so long ago
Now he don't even know his name 
(Shaun: wtf?!)

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see
Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all

Carpe Diem

Seize life! Eat bread with gusto,
Drink wine with a robust heart.
Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure!
Dress festively every morning.
Don't skimp on colors and scarves.
Relish life with the spouse you love
Each and every day of your precarious life.
Each day is God's gift. It's all you get in exchange
For the hard work of staying alive.
Make the most of each one!
Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily!
This is your last and only chance at it,
For there's neither work to do nor thoughts to think
In the company of the dead, where you're most certainly headed.

And the above was from Ecclesiastes 9:7-10, The Message bible's translation. Of course the other translations are a lot more sober.

No mention of Heaven, no mention of the afterlife. In fact:

4But he who is joined with all the living has hope, for a living dog is better than a dead lion.
5For the living know that they will die, but^(H) the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for^(I) the memory of them is forgotten.
6Their love and their hate and their envy have already perished, and forever they have no more share in all that is done under the sun.

So, friends, Eat! Drink! Be Merry. For come the morrow, we may die.


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Now playing: Moby - Why does my heart feel so bad?
via FoxyTunes

White as Snow

Snow falls swiftly in a storm, quickly blotting out the sins of the land. All is engulfed; litter, goose poo, mud and gunk, tarmac and concrete. What was once filthy and dull becomes hidden under a blanket of soft, white, snow.

As long as the storm rages, the rest of nature waits. And if we so choose to look, we'll marvel at the beauty of the land.

All good things, however, must come to an end. Soon the storm runs its course, and for a precious few moments, the land remains beautiful. And of course, life resumes.

A funny thing happens now though; the snow that so effectively hid ugliness from our eyes now serves only to highlight it. A pile of goose poo stands out in stark contrast against the white snow, and snow on the tarmac melts into a dirty brown slush.


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Now playing: Metallica - Nothing Else Matters
via FoxyTunes

Bah

And so I picked up my bible, flipped around, read a bit of how Babylon was going to get its ass kicked in Jeremiah, then flipped to Matthew and read a little before coming across this verse:

So Jesus said to them, "Assured I say to you, that in the regeneration, when the Son of Man sits on the throne of His glory, you who have followed Me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel."

Ok obviously Judas was going to betray him, so what? One tribe's going to live merrily unjudged?

I googled, and here are two responses, one christian, one skeptic

The skeptic response screwed my head a little. May it screw yours too, amen.

And yes, there exists not, among mortals, unconditional love.

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Now playing: Passion05 - How Great Is Our God
via FoxyTunes

Wrong head

Girls. Resent a guy for being smarter than you are? Sleep with him. That will dumb him down a little. What the fuck am I talking about?

Read this

Now, how do I appear much smarter than I really am.

A little bit of Folly

"Removing his helmet as he approached the grove, he kicked off his heavy boots, allowing his toes to grasp the lush green grass with every step, feeling the moisture of the ground as each foot sinks gently into the dirt.

He gazed into the clear blue of the sky as he threw his head back, wiping the sweat off his brow. For far too long he has seen the world through the thin slit in his helmet, the visor allowing him to see just enough for combat.

Those days are over, he thought; he has found his sanctuary, and the defenses that have served him during his journey were now unnecessary. He undid the leather straps of his breast plate, allowing it to fall to the ground with a dull thud as he pressed on towards the grove.."

A little bit of folly can be deadly, eh.

Exchange Joy

There are somethings as a student you'll only do while on exchange. Answering a question like this is one of them. I believe I typed this while drunk and 1 hour before the dateline.

1.1) If you give a copy of your transcript to a prospective employer, is that

information? If you show that same transcript to your dog, is it still

information?

Answer: The transcript is information to a prospective employer because in the context of employment seeking, a transcript is both useful and meaningful. The transcript will influence the employer’s decision of whether to employee me. In that way, the transcript makes a difference.

With that in mind, my dog will probably find the paper the transcript is printed on a lot more useful than the information it contains. The data presented in the transcript will neither be meaningful to my dog, nor will it make any difference in its life.

Brevity of Life

Shaun: wandering star says:
life is short

נιαимιиg ⓘⓝ ⓓⓐ ⓗⓞⓤⓢⓔ ㋡ says:
not dat short d00d

Shaun: wandering star says:
hahaha

Twenty Four

And so I find myself one year away from the quarter point of my life. I am now 24. As far as memory serves me, my life has been alternating between a search for stability and novelty. I was willing to commit far too young, and when the time did come for a real chance at commitment, I fled.

I've been lazy in school, banking on whatever perceived intelligence I had instead of hard work. Certain individuals came along and nudged me more or less in the right direction. Because of them, and the will of God, I find myself now in university; still indolent, and still adverse to work.

The opposite gender caught my attention at a tender age of perhaps 3, when I innocently asked my Dad whether I could wear the square cloth patch this cute chick named Rachael was wearing at her grandparent's wake. Obviously, I got yelled at. And then at the age of 5 I screamed 我爱你 over the phone to a classmate of mine. Obviously, I got yelled at; by her mother. How unforgiving.

Moving along, we find little Shaun in primary school. I was constantly in love. Or at least, I was never without a love interest. I seldom did anything about it though, apart from Jacqueline, this girl from a Chinese-speaking family with whom I was infatuated with from the age of 9 to perhaps the end of my primary school days. I remember writing her a story about "My girlfriend" and how I wanted to marry the said girlfriend when I grew up. Attached to the card with a paperclip was one of my most prized possessions; a Chun-Li trading card. I slot it in her school bag during recess time and returned after that full of apprehension. Something caught my eye as I entered the classroom, and I turned to see both the written card and the Chun-Li trading card crushed in the thrash.

It was during those fateful years when I first learned how material possessions could work in one's advantage during courtship. My mum bought me both a Gameboy and a GameGear. In the little neighbourhood school I was in, I was the only one who had such luxuries. The above-mentioned love interest became suddenly flirty, as flirty as a 9 year old could be. She would pout, tug my sleeve, and draw out the sylables of my name, just so I would lend her the handheld games. I was thrilled, naturally, and was generous in all aspects. In time though, she grew bored of the games, and with the lost of interest went also any displayed affections towards me.

In lower secondary school, my idea of having a crush involved telling anybody who would listen about it. Naturally, word would soon get around to the crush, and she would either avoid me like the plague, or become overly tender and affectionate, dependent on circumstances. Or whether she needed anything from me. On my part, I would blush whenever I had to walk pass her in school, and inevitably I would find myself slouching and shuffling my feet, afraid to even look in her direction.

The tables turned slightly at the age of 15, when my braces came off, I started puting on contact lens, and my fringe grew to a length that irritated the daylights out of disciplinary teachers. I started attracting female attention. Not exactly from the kind of girls I would find attractive, but there was a certain ego-boosting effect from receiving a love note given from a girl through my Chinese teacher, getting stopped at the train station by a pager-holding girl asking for my number, and well, just being looked at while I walked around school. Apparently I wasn't boyfriend material though, as someone remarked, "Shaun 是好看不好用。" And so it was throughout secondary school.

I've had a slew of relationships since then, and with each it seems I learn a little about myself, about how I should go about approaching relationships and about how, time and time again, how I'm not ready to protect and provide.

I've found myself pouring every inch of my soul into a relationship only to be chided by the girl for not having a distinct personality, for compromising my values to please her. Passion was lacking, and she didn't know whether I was the best she could get. I've found myself hanging dependently on every whim and fancy of a girl, to get upset when she chooses her friends over me, and for not having my numerous declarations of love satisfactorily responded to. And then there was the the girl who loved me like a white hot fire, only to find that love quenched in the still cold water of the condition of my heart then.

There was the girl with whom I thought I could have a fling, only to fall hopelessly in love and falsely believing that I was the one pure love she needed to return to shore. I was wrong, and I paid for that by losing what it seemed was the last shred of my idealism. And then came the girl who loved me despite all the shit she had been hearing about me, for by then I had worked up quite a reputation. I saw in her a chance to crawl back to the light, and for a brief and happy moment, I succeeded. Contentment though was something I had difficulty grasping, and with a shrug, I left.

What followed since then? A grasping after the wind. Exhilaration followed by emptiness. In the quest to harden both my liver and heart I've half lost my soul. I go out with girls expecting to see only the worst. Nothing matters except how aesthetically pleasing they are, how witty they are, and how they draw my attention. I came close, again, to idealism, only to have that dashed by a chance encounter.

And still I wander, looking for the untainted. One thing remains constant though - my tendency to fall head over heels prematurely. This time though, I'll take a deep breath, a step back, and not do anything .. inappropriate.

So there, I am now 24. And I am going to stop talking about girls, and start reading .. say .. Principles of Information Security :)

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Now playing: Faye Wong/April Shower ft Ant - Don't Pay Me Any Heed
via FoxyTunes

Jeryd

This is to prove that Jeryd was there getting drunk with us in O-bar on the 29th August in celebration of Japheth and my birthdays :)

Shallow

My Friends, Be Shallow. Leave the deep thoughts and consequence-worrying to others more worthy and suited to the task. You, my friend, shall be Shallow. Is there any wrong in being Shallow? In my mildly inebriated state I shall tell you with full authority, No.

Live, dear friends. There's a reason why God made creation glow. We were made to appreciate aesthetics. In loving beauty, we praise God. In marveling in the beauty of creation we exalt him. Is Man not created by God? Appreciate the beautiful. Compliment the gorgeous.

I'm slightly drunk. I shall stop here.

Amazing Grace

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace


The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine

You are forever mine

I miss you, Lord.