a new lease of life

"If I wanted a perfect guy, I would have gone for a robot", she said while looking intensely into my eyes, leaning slightly forward towards me. I blinked, chuckled, and kissed her on the cheekbone.

Jun is a really special girl. With her, I tried to be Shaun version 3.0, a new and improved Shaun free from insecurities and a firm believer in allowing my girlfriend total freedom to do whatever she wants, including meeting up with ex-boyfriends, going out with other guys, doing whatever she wants. As long as she loves me, I thought, I'll be okay. And I told her that, but instead of appreciating that, and perhaps taking it for granted, she was disturbed. It might sound egotistical, but she looked at me, and thought she saw someone perfect. Too nice, too sweet, too open, too generous. It disturbed her. She felt she couldn't talk to me about what she feels, cause I laugh things off .. insecurities seemed non-existent, I was confident and I made it seem that her insecurities were petty and unfounded.

As my lips left her face, I looked her in the eyes and whispered, "perhaps we aren't that different after all". She had said that we were too different, she can't talk to me, she felt I wouldn't understand her .. or rather I'll only understand in a detached and superficial manner, because I don't know how it is to be insecure and unsure. Well, she was wrong there .. I think it safe to say I'm the king of insecurities, and it has screwed up my previous two relationships. I wanted what I have with her to last, that was why I resolved that enough is enough, insecurity won't plague me any longer.

How wrong I was. For a moment there I thought that my newly found love was leaving. How can you stay together with someone you can't talk to? I was close to despair. I said, "maybe there is something you should read", and showed her my diary, of sorts, where I wrote whenever I felt depressed and insecure, which was pretty often.

To cut the long grandfather story short, she turned away after reading through, looked at me, and said something along the lines of "that makes you more human. And I like that". She saw through my mask, uncovered my flaws, and loved me for them. My heart melted. I knew then, that perhaps I had found a treasure, someone truly special .. someone who'll love me as I am, someone who I can love fearlessly. I use the word "perhaps" only cause our relationship is still in its infancy, and still volatile. But I have faith, that this love I feel is not misplaced.

Hrms, my collection of events might have been a little jumbled, but the gist of it is there. Basically Shaun strucked gold. That's it. The past 5 days have been great .. and I wouldn't even try to describe it (no i'm not being lazy, buzz off =p) .. it was beautiful.

all things are made beautiful, when you're here with me. it's a long journey, but we have each other. I have found love, and love is all i need. Lean on me, Trust me.