A new life

Quidam was amazing. It was awesome. I watched it with my dad, and throughly enjoy it. I'm glad I decided to go in the end, it was worth it. Jun would have absolutely loved it, wished she was there.

Today was a good day. I straightened out my thoughts, and actually enjoyed myself window shopping, looking at clothes with price tags beyond my means.

Love. I've learnt a lot about love. Lots of stuff to write. Unfortunately, I've gotta rush back to camp by 2359hours. Gonna have a trial 2.4km run tomorrow. I'm gonna die man. Shit. God you really gotta help me here ya.

I'm fine now =)

Sleep?

She's invading my sleep. I dreamt she replied. I dreamt up the words of her reply.

I dreamt we were back together. She just finished dance practice. She was sweaty. I didn't care. I pulled her close, kissed her hair and told her I missed her. And she smiled, telling me she missed me too.

My God .. what's happening to me.

clearing out

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Right? Then why does it hurt so much more now, than it used to? Or have I been so happy that pain was a stranger? Have I forgotten what it was like to be truly alone, not just alone cause the one I love was busy. Foolishness ..

Yup .. moving right along now.

Best i ever had.

it's over. it's out. there's nothing to hide. i'm miserable.

it's funny. it's funny in an unfunny way. i thought this was what i wanted, her to move on, to forget me, and perhaps find happiness elsewhere.

yet i'm miserable.

she set her mind to it. she won't change her mind. and i'm left with .. nothing.

i let the love of my life go. just like that. she fought to stay, and i, was non-chalant. now i fight to regain my sanity.

i miss her. i'm more than lonely. i'm more than depressed.

move on.

move on.

move on.

what if i can't?! then too bad, lie in the mud, and die. a broken heart in a worn out coat, trying desperately to keep warm, admist the blistering cold. where there once was warmth and tenderness, now there's nothing but a void .. a void .. the bottomless pit of sorrow, where i once dwelt in before i met her.

it says a lot when despite all the quarrels we had, i can't help feeling what i had with her was beautiful. it was the best. she loved me more than anyone else. she fought to be with me.

how can i make you understand, what i felt for her. you heard my complains. you heard me bitch. i didn't speak of my love, nor my need for her. i'm alone .. as lonely as can be.

and .. I'll move on. Sorry Wanqi, I msged her in the end. But now I know for sure, and there's no choice but to move on.

-

is it not enough to love?
is it not enough to be loved?
is it really naive to believe
that love changes, changes everything

what we had was beautiful
in many special ways
how am i to replace
the princess of my soul

nowhere am i safe
from memories of our love
lights red and golden
dancing upon the river's face

-

welcome back lonliness. welcome back, sorrow. welcome back, my erstwhile companions.

fluack.

i make myself sick.

Christos

Ephesians 4:31-32 (New King James Version)

³¹ Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. ³² And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (New King James Version)

⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
⁸ Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

-

I should have paid more attention to God. Then maybe he wouldn't have to resort to such extreme measures to get my attention.

Blogs are strange creatures.

I'm going back to camp.

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a silent scream

jun and i broke up last night. it was painful, it's not easy, but i believe it'll be better for both of us in the long run.

some of the most beautiful moments in my life were spent with her .. but also were some of the worst, and fiercest quarrels.

i'll be fine, don't worry. i've survived other breakups, i'll survive this. perhaps this time it was a little different. perhaps this time i loved a little more, tried a little harder. but when bitterness takes centerstage in a relationship, then it's time to end it.

and jun, i know you hate the word, but i'm very very sorry things turned out this way. take care of yourself.

21st Birthday 

21st

It's my birthday today =)

Started the day with a quick brunch with Jun before sending her to school and heading on to ECP to meet two of my platoon mates, FJ and Leonard. Spent the afternoon blading, came home, bathed, met Jun after her school, had a quick dinner at yoshinoya, came home, and .. studied!

Haha, Jun bought me a coursepack from SMU's School of Information Systems. Architectural Analysis. *shudder*

Then ... I got a 1 hour long massage from Jun and a slice of mango cake from secret receipe. And that's my present from her! No complains from me though. The massage was fantastic, in fact I feel asleep a couple of times *grin*

Love ya babe.

I'll be meeting Weeli and gang cess Jeryd on sunday for dinner =)

Gotta arrange a date to go drinking with daryl and the rest ..

Booking in later at 730am .. going for p226 range.

SIG SAUER P226

SIG SAUER P226

I'll be trained in the handling and firing of this pistol on my birthday ..

Those of you who have been following Jun's blog would probably have read about our one year anniversary =)

Being broke - as always - and booking out late, it was a frantic rush to the supermarket at Hougang Mall, grabbing the ingredients needed to cook my speciality, er, pasta! Maybe it's called carborana, or something. I learnt how to cook it from my mum some time ago, and it's really, the only decent dish I'm capable of cooking, apart from eggs, of course.

The bouquet of flowers involved placing an order after my little grocery shopping spree, which was poor planning, typical of shaun =\. Flowers would be ready only in 30 mins, so it was a fast walk home, hurried washing of hands, and getting started on the cooking.

I tried cooking the spaghetti noodles, pasta sauce, and frying the garlic,ham,chicken, all simultaneously. The pot was too small for the noodles, resulting in the part of the noodles that touched the pot's rim getting burned. Those noodles were thrown away. Apart from that little accident, everything went pretty well. It was now time to go collect the flowers, and, thankfully, Jasmin came home! Haha, my saviour! Got her to watch my noodles for me before running out of the house and most of the way to Hougang Mall to grab the flowers. A fast walk back, and I was barely gone for 5 mins. (My english sucks. Fragmentation.)

I was sweaty like hell, and considering that I just booked out, let's just say I wasn't exactly smelling like flowers. A hot shower and a proper scrub fixed that .. in, ten minutes?

Now, problem. I've no free table to eat on! Nobody in my family eats on tables. I emptied my computer/tv table with the help of jasmin, set it up for lunch .. and relax.

...I'm falling asleep, damn sleepy, and my boring narration is making things worse. Booking in tomorrow.

Cya later guys ..