Best i ever had.

it's over. it's out. there's nothing to hide. i'm miserable.

it's funny. it's funny in an unfunny way. i thought this was what i wanted, her to move on, to forget me, and perhaps find happiness elsewhere.

yet i'm miserable.

she set her mind to it. she won't change her mind. and i'm left with .. nothing.

i let the love of my life go. just like that. she fought to stay, and i, was non-chalant. now i fight to regain my sanity.

i miss her. i'm more than lonely. i'm more than depressed.

move on.

move on.

move on.

what if i can't?! then too bad, lie in the mud, and die. a broken heart in a worn out coat, trying desperately to keep warm, admist the blistering cold. where there once was warmth and tenderness, now there's nothing but a void .. a void .. the bottomless pit of sorrow, where i once dwelt in before i met her.

it says a lot when despite all the quarrels we had, i can't help feeling what i had with her was beautiful. it was the best. she loved me more than anyone else. she fought to be with me.

how can i make you understand, what i felt for her. you heard my complains. you heard me bitch. i didn't speak of my love, nor my need for her. i'm alone .. as lonely as can be.

and .. I'll move on. Sorry Wanqi, I msged her in the end. But now I know for sure, and there's no choice but to move on.

-

is it not enough to love?
is it not enough to be loved?
is it really naive to believe
that love changes, changes everything

what we had was beautiful
in many special ways
how am i to replace
the princess of my soul

nowhere am i safe
from memories of our love
lights red and golden
dancing upon the river's face

-

welcome back lonliness. welcome back, sorrow. welcome back, my erstwhile companions.