Ravings of a Nocturnal Maniac

It's really crazy, me staying awake looking through yahoo! auctions for Abercrombie shirts, digging around my room for my measuring tape, taking my measurements across chest, shoulder, giving up, and measuring one of my shirts instead, doing leg lifts(okay only a bit) and just doing nothing, all at 4am in the morning.

I need new jeans, new clothes, shoes, a better build, and a renewed spiritual life.

Sitting beside Aaron at FCBC this morning, sitting through a sermon about obedience, witnessing a typical city-harvest style alter call, marvelling at a live-band worship team, cynically scoffing at jumping youths, keeping an eye out for cute girls, and finding fault with yet another church, a couple of thoughts waded through the muck I have for brains.

Alter call. Salvation. Giving your life to Jesus. Who is Jesus? What does it mean to give your life to Him? Why do you even have to give up your life to Him in the first place? Why do we need saving? Take a step of faith. Close your eyes. Say the prayer. Raise your hand. Step out. Get prayed for. Step to the adjoining room on the right. Give your particulars to the friendly christian who wants nothing more than the salvation of your soul, slot you into a cell group, an added number to his church. Who cares whether you know the story behind man's fall. Who cares whether you even know what is Sin. Raise your hand! Step out! Give your life to God! Why do we need God? Learn in cell group meetings. Buy a Porshe before taking your basic theory.

Oh please. Please, please, please, give me a freaking break.

God created the heavens and the earth. God created all living things. God created the angels, God created us. Why us? What makes us special? God created us in His image, and probably the same image as the angels, for in the bible, the word "our" was used. "Let us create Man in our image". Perhaps the author meant for "our" to refer to the Holy Trinity, but I'm not sure the Holy Spirit has a form, and while we're on this topic, no where, in the whole bible, was the Trinity expounded on. Funny isn't it? I guess it's not really important.

Anyway, back to creation. Man was created, on the 6th day of creation, which, incidentally, is meant to be taken literally. The world was created in 6 days by our divine God, and not out of random chance through a couple train-loads worth of donkey years. Why were we created? The bible mentions somewhere in Genesis that we were created to be God's companions, to fellowship with Him, and of course to praise Him. When you're as mighty as He is, it's wonderful to be adored. I guess the angels spend most of their leisure time adoring Him, and I don't think they mind it the slightest bit. Take a look at the crazy fans of our secular artises, braving untold hazards to scream their undying love for their idols. Shouldn't God then be a far greater pleasure to praise and adore? I should think so.

But of course, I digress, as I usually do. God used to take walks among the Garden of Eden, spending time with Adam and Eve, chatting, fellowshiping. A pretty thought don't you think? God as your friend. However, good things, as we undoubtedly know, never last, and it wasn't long before Satan, our dear prince of the world came, carried out his duties of tempting mankind, and tricked Eve into eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, the very tree whose fruits are forbidden by God to be consumed by them. Eve, out of the generousity of her heart, or more likely, seeking herd courage, gave a fruit to Adam, who, starting the trend of hen-peckness so pre-dominant among modern day males, ate it.

The discerning mind can now ask 2 obvious questions. What the bloody blazes was Satan doing on Earth? Didn't hell exist when, or before, the earth was created? The bible says God created the heavens and the earth, but made no mention of hell. Was hell even created? Why wasn't Satan and one-third of heaven's angels, after their failed coup, sent straight to hell(do not pass earth, do not collect souls)? Heck, why did Satan even rebel? I wouldn't. Back to our question however, why create a perfect world, populate it with little cute animals, lush greenery, chirpy birds..you get the idea; and throw heaven's rebels in there? Weird huh.

Now, an attempt to answer question 1, at the risk of forgetting question 2 after I'm done. First, we have to take into account God's omniscience. God knew, when creating Satan, and every single one of the angels who rebelled, that they were going to, well, rebel. He even knows when they'll do it. Was it after creation of the world, or before? Before, is my guess. But then again, where were they cast down to? Nothingness. Yes, that must be it. And when earth was created, they wandered in, thinking that they were probably unnoticed by God, and set about plotting creation's destruction, not knowing that they were playing right into the hands of God, doing exactly what God wants them to do. And now, a couple thousand years later, these same poor fools are still doing it, still doing God's will. Leading people away from God, bringing as many souls with them to hell as demonly possible, but at the end of it all, still doing God's will.

Isn't God cruel then, creating beings such as them to enjoy glory, be overcome with pride, rebel, fight, get their asses kicked, crash land down on nothingness, discover earth, spend their lives tempting Man, then getting hauled off to hell and spend eternity burning. They didn't have a choice. Or did they? We'll never know, at least not yet; all we can do is trust in God's infinite wisdom. Our ability at comprehension is so weak, that even if God chose to prematurely reveal His plans to us, we'll probably remain confounded.

Where was I? Yes. Answer to question 1. God believes in free will. And how can we claim to have free will when all we have is a single choice. Kinda like our politics in Singapore isn't it, we can vote, but well, there aren't many, real choices, if you get what I mean. So, Satan and his cohorts of fallen angels provide the alternative. Things aren't as plain as simply choosing God, or Satan. Ask anybody, and an honest choice would be God. Satanists aside of course. Weird folks. The dark side needs to resort to more subtle acts. Witchcraft, satanistism, the occult to claim the blatantly evil, or evil wanna-bes. Ah, now entering more sensitive grounds .. other religions, to claim the rest. Let's leave it as that ya? Fallen angels have power, Satan has power. They can be worshipped, they can grant wishes, and they can, and do manifest themselves.

Humans like tangibles, don't they. Satan accomplishes his purpose as long as you do not seek God through Jesus Christ. He doesn't care what the fuck you are. Atheist, agnostic, or a member of some vastly differently, or closely similar religion, Satan wins, as long as you choose not Jesus. Of course, this win is temporal, or rather, it's a bittersweet victory as all the prince of the air is doing, is gathering more souls to burn with him. Perhaps it'll bring the temperatures of hell a little lower if there're more souls there. Physics, I guess.

Answer to question 1 would then be - to provide us with a choice. Generally speaking of course.

Now, on to question 2. I just realised, that I've already, in my own warped way, answered question 2, which is, "why did God place the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the Garden of Eden?".

I have lots more to say. I'll probably offend half the people who bother reading this ridiculously long post, and I'm getting sleepy, finally. 5:20am.

We need God. God wants our fellowship and our praises. He created us with an emptiness, a void in our hearts that only He can fill. We might try substituting His love with our worldy persues, secular love, mind-blowing sex, drugs, kegs of excellent german beer, or a dozen ipods, but at the end of the day, we're still empty. And back-slidden Christians, like yours truly, feel emptier day by day. And it's worse to feel this way, after experiencing the life-changing joy that comes with knowing Jesus. It's not better to have love and lost than to never loved before. It's better to remain ignorant of love if you're not going to able to retain to that love forever. But luckily for me, and other back-slidders, He who started a good work in us, will not rest, till it is completed. It might take a lecture, a slap, a kick in the balls, or a slamming against the wall, but He'll get my attention, one way of another.

I'm sorry God. I don't understand. I need faith, in, hrms, train-loads. A little knowledge, incomplete knowledge, is far more dangerous than ignorance.

Good night. Happy boxing day.