Missing

A distinct lack of character; that's what my problem is, according to friends whom I've known since early adolescence and who have witnessed my passage in and out of relationships. Weeli says I've no personality of my own, and that I need time alone to grow and develop into a Shaun who is rightfully and completely me. Daryl says I mold myself to become the man the person I'm currently dating wants me to be. I present a perfect guy to my partner, and the problems come when cracks appear, and some other, less desirable parts of me manifest themselves.

The past two months have forced me to look within myself and find something tangible to hold on to, in order to preserve my sanity. I've explored the limits of tolerance and trust, of the concept and ideal of love, of both giving and receiving. I see the world in shades of grey, where perfect truths are hard to come by and the best you can hope for is a lighter shade of grey. Reality has sent it's warmest welcome, and this is my inauguration.

There are positive notes in this symphony of course, and appreciating them and only them is a "survival skill" as my MA1301 lecturer so aptly put it. The jury is still out on whether this will lead to blessed contentment or a silent insanity.

Speaking of maths, my lecturer for Discrete Structures that I have to take next year has just sent me the most depressing email I've received this year(all 5 days of it):

Hi,

Chapter has been uploaded. Please go to IVLE.

See you next Tuesday.

TSTay

School is starting, and I'm horribly unprepared. Oh, that reminds me. I do know a trait that is wholly mine - laziness, sloth, indolence, whatever you call it, I'm lazy as hell =) isn't it strange that sloth is the single most outstanding quality that I am sure stems from within me?