That, of course, is something that I have failed most miserably in. Following God. In what way did I try to accomplish that? If I confess with my mouth and believe in my heart that Jesus is Lord, but my actions in no way reflect that belief and the life changing experience that Christianity is supposed to have brought me, then what right have I to be called a son of God?
My life is more a living testimony for the vices and debauchery of this world rather than a shining light in God’s army. My heart has been heavy, and my soul empty, but my focus was on the wrong things. I dreamt, and still dream, of worldly treasures - success, wisdom and riches. Matthew 6 tells us that where our treasure is, our heart is also. My treasure rooms in both the world and in heaven are practically empty, and that explains the hollowness of my heart.
Verses jump out at me as I flip through the bible.
“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him” – 1 John 2:15
The book of Ecclesiastes, with its many declarations about chasing of the wind and to “remember your Creator, in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come”
I would go on, but I’m getting sleepy, and lazy. Suffice to say, I’ve been living a completely unchristian life, neglecting even to say grace for my food, remembering only when I saw Charis close her eyes and pray before starting to eat while a succulent piece of swordfish was midway to my mouth.
Yes, God, I hear you. “Seek first the
Now, if only that was easy. And the one thing I still lack, character.
3 comments:
What you are going through is actually part and parcel of a christian life. I am not a self proclaimed good christian. Like you, I have fell short of God's expectations.
In my opinion, everyone sins big time. Everyone has had earthly desires. Everyone has had vices. Everyone is just like you. What sets you apart from most of the others then? Most probably you have confessed openly about what you have done in the past, while others' are still part of their skeleton in their closets.
In your little reflection about you and your christian walk with Jesus, you are actually doing what your heart wants you to: seeking God's kingdom. And I feel that the reason why we feel guilty is because we want to be like God.
The bible encourages us to pray, to give thanks and like what you have mentioned, say grace. I know there are faithful servants of God who do it without being told. And trust me, I had my fair share of not saying grace prior to meals too.
We are slowly being moulded, and shaped to be the person God wants us to, not immediately, but over time. I feel you aren't as bad as you described yourself to be. Likewise, my life isn't exactly a beacon of light like others perceive. God knows all these though, and I'm glad that He knows and He is doing something.
Take baby steps in knowing Him. Most importantly, don't condemn yourself.
Yep, that's about all. I don't usually talk about these with anyone too. =) Take care, and God bless.
Thanks a lot for the encouragement, raynor. We don't really know each other, I appreciate you to taking the time to type that response =)
Which church do you go to btw? And what's your blog address? I visited it before but did not take note of the url.
no problem. =)
I hardly attend services now. For various reasons though. My blog address is at http://www.thetributum.com
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