I spent half of Friday and Saturday wondering why mum did not call me when she landed in Singapore. Then I texted my aunt on Saturday afternoon and found out she was landing later in the evening. Prior to this mum and I agreed that I was to join her for breakfast on Sunday morning.

And somehow my addled brain thought last night that breakfast was two days later. How can one screw up so. badly.

Now there's the question of reunion dinner. Agreed to have it with dad and his gf's family. Now that mum's upset I wonder if I should join her and her family instead. One's in tampines, one's in lakeside, so I can't possibly go for both. God.

the many shades of grey

I haven't been writing, and it's not because I lack the desire to do so. Many times I find myself staring at the empty space trying to put into words my emotions and thoughts. I arrive at the same conclusion every time though; that it has all been said before.

My life's going in circles. A downward spiral. I go through the motions; doing the same things, saying the same things. I crack the same jokes and express the same strain of cynicism and irony so much that I even bore myself.

I'm a gunslinging chaser of the wind. I'm a hollow shell. I'm the envy of some, pitied by the rest.

A spinning coin, that's what I am.

I had a dream in which,
again, I could fly.

With an atlas and a compass,
I could go anywhere I wanted.

Slicing through the clouds,
I was a gunslinging
chaser of the wind.

Bankrupt

Dear LIM JIN SHAUN,

The following module has been allocated to you:

Module Code: CS4252
Module Title: Control, Audit and Security of IS

Your Program account is now bankrupt.

-

Someone has a sense of humour, eh.

School

I have a tendency to forget or screw up important stuff, resulting in me having to do a lot more shit to compensate.

For example, I did not bother calculating and planning the modules that I have to take to graduate, and now I have to overload a term just to graduate in time. That's not such a big deal, but I also forgot to do the module preference exercise where we can indicate the modules we want to take this term and they will be allocated to us.

As a result .. I've to write emails like this begging for a place.

Dear Prof,

To design and produce an innovative product or service has been the dream and goal that I have held together with a couple of close friends since my secondary school days.

We have pursued several opportunities ranging from the mundane like offering IT solutions to small businesses and home users, to revolutionary uses of existing technology such as interfacing with the built-in cameras on mobile phones to lead users to electronic content from traditional media such as papers. Unfortunately, Zapcode was released shortly after we started work on the technical aspect of our project, and we abandoned it in disappointment.

Some of my friends have entered the working world since, and seem to almost have lost the drive for entrepreneurship. To be honest, I too had resigned myself to a similar fate, hoping to get a position as an associate in a consulting firm and working my way towards being a Business Analyst.

When I found out that this module, Digital Entrepreneurship is being offered, it reignited a spark for entrepreneurship in me. I remember the excitement that comes with brainstorming with friends and coming up with something that at that moment we were all convinced was going to take the world by storm.

I would like to try again, but this time I want to be prepared. That is why I want to take this module.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best Regards
Shaun Lim

Life

Sometimes I feel like my life's a crazy intertwining of Oscar Wilde's Picture of Dorian Gray and De Profundis. Or a jazzy, lounge rendition of Radiohead's Creep.

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Now playing: Karen Souza - Creep (Radiohead)
via FoxyTunes

Back in '02

I tried looking unsuccessfully through my old blogs looking for a post I did about the sandbox, but found nothing of that sort. Strange. I remember blogging about it.

I did find this though, written in feb 2002. No idea why I wrote all in small caps.

throughout our lives, we establish certain theories on how to live our life, on the quirks of humankind. we come to sudden realisations on facts of life and we learn through experiences that shatter our hearts and tear at our soul. we've been in moments when we want the world to just pause, stop and never move on. when we're holding someone we love close to our bosom, when we're lying warm in the arms of our loved ones. time spent lying on lush green grass, watching the clouds move slowly by, accompanied but the sound of waves crashing against the shore. the scene flashes by, giving way to a picture of a square cubicle, where a person toils unceasingly for the better part of each day, just so that he can survive, feed and clothe himself and his family. his life lacks both splendor and warmth, relationships turn cold, yet he presses on, a lifeless, unthinking machine, working to survive. the varities are endless, from one extreme to another, the thoughts of man perverse and twisted, yet at times illogically kind and warm. there are among us, people who step out of the mundane, secular circle of life. poets, philosophers, religious leaders. different that they are, yet bound by one common element. the unwillingness to live life just as it is, instead searching with their limited mortal mind the deeper meaning of life. on the other side of the coin, we have individuals choosing to live life to the fullest, ignoring the mystical and the obscure, scorning the superstitious. they believe only in their own ability and power:"fate? what fate? things are within my control".

hidden in-between the extremists, among the many others, is the dreamer. lamenting the debauched ways of the world, skeptical of any existance or display of good in the world, yelling and condemning do-gooders to be hypocrites and having some hidden agenda, he himself doing nothing for the needy and helpless. the dreamer sits on his bum, too overcome with indolence to work, yet eager to rise and take arms, protesting against deforestations, killing of creatures, insects and worms.

Another shot at Love

How does one approach Love? Can one take a rational approach and perhaps love incrementally; dipping first a toe, then a foot before slowly wading in. Or does one dive right in, loving on the onset with one's whole heart? How many times though can one bounce back from getting one's heart broken. How can one love with one's best time after time without either drowning in sorrow or turning cynically jaded?

I remember writing once about how adolescent relationships are akin to a kid playing in a sandbox. It's better, I postulated, for one to experiment with relationships when one is young as the intensity of love in our younger days should be lesser and the negative impacts of a broken heart less serious. It's hard for me to convincingly advocate this point of view now as I no longer fully believe in it.

Although it might be true that the extents as to how a broken heart will pragmatically affect a youth's life is much lesser as compared to someone who's already trying to establish a career, it's no reason for one to be flippant and careless about entering relationships. We start out with this innocent and almost infinite capacity for love. When we love, the person becomes the center of our universe and everything revolves around the person. The object of our affection is on our mind when we awake, and before we sleep we smile thinking of the person. Now I believe, that this innocent approach on love has to be protected.

Bouncing back after a failed relationship is never easy. And somehow it almost seems like one never full recovers. It becomes a little more difficult to love the next time, and the next fall a little harder.

I'm turning 25 this year. The mere thought of it sends a shiver down my spine. A friend's getting married this year. Another successfully balloted for a flat and would have to get married in 2 years or so. We're of the same age and yet in vastly different phases of love.

I had a shot at love, and I blew it completely for a lifestyle utterly inane. Another shot at love and I would have to be nothing short of insane to let something even remotely similar happen.

Talk about sarcasm

"State-run gas giant Gazprom confirmed that supply to Ukraine had been shut off at precisely 10.00 am (0700) as planned following the expiry at midnight New Year's Eve of the old contract.

"We have reduced supply of gas to Ukraine by 100 per cent," Gazprom spokesman Sergei Kupriyanov told reporters, putting the volume at 110 cubic metres per day. "

Reduced by 100%, eh. Cut off say cut off la. Sounds like our transport companies and their fare "adjustments".

PM Lee said this in his new year message:

Singapore's key strengths are our honest and capable leadership, sound policies which look beyond the short term, social cohesion and talented and hardworking people. These strengths have brought us peace, prosperity and progress for decades, and they will see us through these difficult times. When the environment was favourable, we upgraded and grew our economy, lived within our means and patiently built up sizeable reserves. So when this sudden, severe storm struck, we were ready.

Honest and capable leadership. Their capability is debatable, and in all fairness they probably are. But honesty? Give me a break. "Honest mistakes" maybe.

All that lies ahead

At this exact same moment a year ago I was on a plane to London where I was to transit and head to Toronto, Canada.

The advent of the new year of 2008, Singapore time, went past uneventfully on board the plane. Probably Japheth turned to me and mumbled "Happy new year", but that's about it.

The advent of the new year of 2008, Canada time caught me sleeping in Destination Inn, Waterloo, exhausted from the traveling and suffering from jet lag.

What followed for the next 5 months however, was nothing short of amazing.

The first day saw me attempting to smoke in temperatures so cold my exposed fingers hurt and tramping around in -23 degrees weather doing nothing more important than making snow angels.


Then of course there was the crazy term spent in the University of Waterloo.

And the first sip of Canadian beer..

Watching my first ice hockey match..

..And baseball game

Made myself at home

Found out that RFs can be cool

Partied like C R A Z Y



And of course, made several good friends. It's impossible to chronicle all I did on exchange, so I shalln't try. Just well .. check out the photos on facebook. Haha.

Life after Canada has been .. crazy as well. I'm not proud of some of the things I did in the later half of '08. I made many mistakes, and .. now I'm lazy to continue typing.

Happy new year folks.

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Now playing: Radiohead - (Nice Dream)
via FoxyTunes