The Canon

My favourite classical piece is the Canon by Johann Pachelbel. In fact, I think it is safe to say that the Canon is my all time favourite song. My favourite girl is Jun. My favourite girl plays my favourite song beautifully. My beautiful girlfriend plays the Canon beautifully.

Hm, that must have been how I wrote when I was nine. Haha. I was at Jun's place today. And apart from training for a career in couch potato-ism, I learnt how to play the Canon! Or at least a very, very minor part of it. Jun plays it wonderfully, and she generously volunteered to teach me, a music idiot, to play it.

I close my eyes when she plays, my body swaying with the music, my senses enveloped in her music, my soul uplifted, my mind cleared of all distractions. I love it. Then I feel a pang of regret - I can't play the piano. I love music, but I have no musical talent whatsoever. It's pretty sad.

I was talking to Shawn, Jun's younger brother, and he asked me if I watched soccer. Nope. Prefer basketball? Nope. Play soccer? Nope. Basketball? Nope. At that point I decided to help him out and just say that I don't do sports. Later on in the conversation when Jun was playing the piano, he asked if I could play the guitar. Nope. Drums? Nope. Again, at this point, I volunteered that I have no musical talent. I can't even sing well man. Haha. Then a thought crossed my mind, what the fuck have I been doing with my life? With my childhood? With my Youth? Nothing man.

I felt like shit. And to state the truth, my stuttering is irritating the shit out of me. Or maybe I should be honest and say that it's depressing me. I'm getting depressed by my inability to express myself as eloquently verbally as I can with text. Sigh, I'm really at a loss as to what to do, am I going to spend my life being handicapped like this? Or would some miracle happen and I'll be normal one day. Perhaps there's a therapy I can attend. The ironic part would be that I would call the hospital and stutter that I want to know more about cures for stuttering and if they have any programs for it. Ironic. Depressing. Limiting. Embarrassing. Furstrating.

Sometimes when I have a dreamy look in my eyes, or I look upset and said it's nothing. It's me being furstrated at the latest manifestation of my stuttering. The proper sentence usually builds in my mind, then it passes through logic control, "can I successfully utter and form all those words?", some warpped part of my mind says "no", then proceeds to translate the sentence into some juvenille level form with easier to pronounce words. Or at least that's what my mind thinks. There's nothing physically wrong with me I believe, I speak perfectly well when I'm alone. Er, yes sometimes I do talk to myself. Haha. And when I pray aloud, alone. No problemos.

I miss Jun.

Learning to play the Canon helped a little. I was almost overwhelmed with fears of failure. Jun encouraged me, and kept telling me to "chill" and reminding me that there's no "pressure". She tried praising me, but I think I sniggered. She said I played beautifully. If my playing was beautiful, her's must be heavenly. Haha, actually her playing _is_ heavenly.

Stupid me allowed Jun to attempt a brave, but foolish and poorly thought-out stunt. She had a bad fall and injured her face and hands. Check out her blog..

Smile Jun dear, I love you. Abrasions and all =). Thank God your fingers weren't broken, otherwise I'll be deprived of your beautiful music.

Thank God for you. I'm sorry for not being there for you tonight. Sometimes I can be a real dimwit. I always thought I was pretty sensitive, and prided myself a little for it. After knowing you, I think otherwise. *grin*, sorry babe.