Perception

I'm not sure about the rest of you, but this is my theory of how a person learns and grow. Or maybe it's true only for me.

With each bad relationship, the mind and the heart each learns certain lessons. Unfortunately, in my case, they're also independent of each other, and they implement the lessons learnt a little differently.

My heart does it by piling on layers of defenses, depending on what it learned from the previous relationship. For example, many years back, it learned not to fall crazily in love, or to mistake infatuation for love. So, it built a wall around itself with that it mind, but at the same time staying essentially the same; a heart that falls illogically in love. Many measures were made to handle issues like insecurity, possessiveness, and sensitivity, but at the center of the fort, the heart remains the same.

The mind, on the other hand, is a little wiser. It has the advantage of Logic and Practicality and will often warn the heart of certain pitfalls. The heart seldom listens though, and the innumerable "i-told-you-so"s muttered by the mind is evidence of that.

So, beyond logic and reason, my silly heart allowed itself to love, against the frantic warnings of the mind. People are different though, and we love differently. Ideally, when you love a person, you love everything about the person. Flaws are not swept under the carpet, but held in the light and analysed. Only after assuring yourself that you can live with those flaws should you allow yourself to love. You don't expect the person to change his or her personality; you love the person because of that personality. You don't mind giving, and in selfless giving, you receive so much more.

But Love doesn't conquer everything. A couple can't live on love alone. Differences(which are inevitable in every relationship) have to be sorted out, and certain compromises have to be made. Although this might sound like a direct contradiction to what I just said about not changing a person's character, it's actually more about making condescensions, little things to make the other party happy without changing who you are. For example, if I have close girl pals who I would definitely want to continue seeing even though I'm in a relationship, I have a right to do that. But what I can do would be to put in the extra effort to assure my girlfriend that it's her I love, and do whatever is reasonable to make her feel secure. That should be acceptable for both parties, ideally.

People don't always have the luxury of analysis and extended discussions before getting into a relationship though. Messy stuff like emotions, lust, and the sheer thrill of infatuation get in the way of a rational decision. Many go through a honeymoon phase where the sweeping-under-the-rug happens and differences are only keenly felt a long time into the relationship.

Some couples are luckier though, and the differences are felt earlier in the relationship. Then, the couple can talk about it and hopefully settle it. If not, they can part ways before they get even more emotionally tangled up.

A part of me is hurting. Somewhere deep inside, behind the multitude of paper mache walls, the heart is hurting. And the mind is scoffing. And yes, I love you.

Lost yet? I bet many of you are scratching your heads and going, what the hell?! Don't bother, just treat it as an art-house flick that's not meant to be understood. =D