I'm not sure about the rest of you, but this is my theory of how a person learns and grow. Or maybe it's true only for me.
With each bad relationship, the mind and the heart each learns certain lessons. Unfortunately, in my case, they're also independent of each other, and they implement the lessons learnt a little differently.
My heart does it by piling on layers of defenses, depending on what it learned from the previous relationship. For example, many years back, it learned not to fall crazily in love, or to mistake infatuation for love. So, it built a wall around itself with that it mind, but at the same time staying essentially the same; a heart that falls illogically in love. Many measures were made to handle issues like insecurity, possessiveness, and sensitivity, but at the center of the fort, the heart remains the same.
The mind, on the other hand, is a little wiser. It has the advantage of Logic and Practicality and will often warn the heart of certain pitfalls. The heart seldom listens though, and the innumerable "i-told-you-so"s muttered by the mind is evidence of that.
So, beyond logic and reason, my silly heart allowed itself to love, against the frantic warnings of the mind. People are different though, and we love differently. Ideally, when you love a person, you love everything about the person. Flaws are not swept under the carpet, but held in the light and analysed. Only after assuring yourself that you can live with those flaws should you allow yourself to love. You don't expect the person to change his or her personality; you love the person because of that personality. You don't mind giving, and in selfless giving, you receive so much more.
But Love doesn't conquer everything. A couple can't live on love alone. Differences(which are inevitable in every relationship) have to be sorted out, and certain compromises have to be made. Although this might sound like a direct contradiction to what I just said about not changing a person's character, it's actually more about making condescensions, little things to make the other party happy without changing who you are. For example, if I have close girl pals who I would definitely want to continue seeing even though I'm in a relationship, I have a right to do that. But what I can do would be to put in the extra effort to assure my girlfriend that it's her I love, and do whatever is reasonable to make her feel secure. That should be acceptable for both parties, ideally.
People don't always have the luxury of analysis and extended discussions before getting into a relationship though. Messy stuff like emotions, lust, and the sheer thrill of infatuation get in the way of a rational decision. Many go through a honeymoon phase where the sweeping-under-the-rug happens and differences are only keenly felt a long time into the relationship.
Some couples are luckier though, and the differences are felt earlier in the relationship. Then, the couple can talk about it and hopefully settle it. If not, they can part ways before they get even more emotionally tangled up.
A part of me is hurting. Somewhere deep inside, behind the multitude of paper mache walls, the heart is hurting. And the mind is scoffing. And yes, I love you.
Lost yet? I bet many of you are scratching your heads and going, what the hell?! Don't bother, just treat it as an art-house flick that's not meant to be understood. =D
Monday, October 30, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Steaks and Me
I love steaks. I absolutely adore them, especially when they're dripping blood with every cut I make. Rare, or medium-rare at most. Recently, I've been getting medium-well to well-done steaks when I eat out. Returning the steaks don't seem to work. The returned steak will taste just as sucky, if not worse. Why? I'm upset. Only Hog's Breath and Outback Steakhouse have not disappoint. Billy Bombers failed me twice, but the returned all-star burger is usually perfect so I'll forgive them.
Earle Swensons at VivoCity. Supposedly Swenson's flagship restaurant with yummy items on grill. Hah. My supposedly bloody steak came well done. It was so obviously well done you can tell just by looking at it. Sent it back. Came back medium. And the marination..hah, what marination?! Salt and pepper and HP sauce after they were done. That was my guess, and the manager confirmed it. What the hell. I understand some people like their steaks without marination. Fine, then either offer specialty sauces on the side, or at least bring the HP sauce in a bottle and not douse it all over my steak!
Apple crumble that was supposed to come with chocolate ice cream came with butterscotch ice cream instead. Flagship? Bah.
Thank God for the great company though =)
Earle Swensons at VivoCity. Supposedly Swenson's flagship restaurant with yummy items on grill. Hah. My supposedly bloody steak came well done. It was so obviously well done you can tell just by looking at it. Sent it back. Came back medium. And the marination..hah, what marination?! Salt and pepper and HP sauce after they were done. That was my guess, and the manager confirmed it. What the hell. I understand some people like their steaks without marination. Fine, then either offer specialty sauces on the side, or at least bring the HP sauce in a bottle and not douse it all over my steak!
Apple crumble that was supposed to come with chocolate ice cream came with butterscotch ice cream instead. Flagship? Bah.
Thank God for the great company though =)
Monday, October 23, 2006
Weekend of Rest
I've slept more this weekend than I did the entire week combined. Feels good. Hopefully this means that I'm recharged and have no excuse for slacking this new week.
For those who don't already know, Microsoft's Internet Explorer 7 is out. I downloaded it, and it looks simply like Microsoft's version of Mozilla Firefox. Not terribly impressive. I'll be sticking with Firefox.
Time for lunch, then bath, and a leisurely journey back to hall. No lessons today :D
For those who don't already know, Microsoft's Internet Explorer 7 is out. I downloaded it, and it looks simply like Microsoft's version of Mozilla Firefox. Not terribly impressive. I'll be sticking with Firefox.
Time for lunch, then bath, and a leisurely journey back to hall. No lessons today :D
Sunday, October 22, 2006
The Eating Machine, and other short stories
I'm an eating machine, or otherwise known to Serene as simply, "The Pit". I love drinking, and am known by my NUS friends as "Iron Liver". My NUS friends should meet Daryl and Co, and Serene should meet Sheena. Then I'll be exposed as just a lazy bum masquerading as a geek. Ok, I admit there isn't really a link there.
Today shall be known as the day I paid off some of my sleep debt. It feels good you know, sleeping. I should really do it more often. Pastor Deborah called shortly after I fell asleep in the afternoon, but it was a pleasant interruption. She said she thought of me, and wondered how I was. That was a sweet gesture, and very much appreciated.
Today's also the day I caught up with old friends. Met Jianming for Dinner-II after I had my Dinner-I of economical packet rice at home. Had a king-size mushroom-swiss-heavy-mushroom meal each despite my mum's long-distance-from-shanghai warning that a study-conducted-in-hong-kong showed that french fries are actually, surprise surprise, cancerous. Pretty much every single thing you put in your mouth is hazardous in some way, and since I'm young and not terribly far-sighted, I don't care. Haha. Fries taste good anyway. Although the ones we had tonight were lacking in salt. We'll go back to the catching up with old friends soon right after the next paragraph.
Today shall be known as the day I first stepped foot into Mustafa Centre, the 24-hour shopping centre in Singapore. I used "the" cause I assume it's the only one? Correct me if I'm wrong! Anyway Mustafa was pretty cool, much like the older shopping centres in Shanghai but of course with a lot more offerings. I needed to get washing detegerent and a fan, but since I didn't drive, it would be ridiculous to buy them there and then lug them home on the train. So I didn't. It was quite an experience though, and a point off my mountain-turtle-worm-under-rock scale.
Today's also the day I caught up with old friends-II. After Mustafa, which, incidentally, I walked to together with Jianming from Bugis, we took the NEL back to Hougang where Jianming was supposed to take 89 home from the bus stop at my house. He was telling me about how he enjoyed irritating Janet by smsing her quotes taken from her blog, and I came across the brilliant idea of grabbing my uncle's car and going to pick her for supper. And unlike a million of my other brilliant ideas, we actually implemented it. Picked her up at Eunos MRT and went to 126 for dim sum. Yummy tear-jerking char siew pau, friend prawn roll, prawn chee cheong fan, and hak kao(however u spell it).
The adventures of The Eating Machine continued at the tao huay place along gelyang where we, had soya bean milk and I, a you tiao. Then Sheena came, and I had a bowl of tao huay. And now, I'm starting to get hungry again. Time to sleep, Time to sleep! Church tomorrow!
A photo completely unrelated to this post, but I like it! To my new fans, that's Jasmin, my favourite cousin. =)
Today shall be known as the day I paid off some of my sleep debt. It feels good you know, sleeping. I should really do it more often. Pastor Deborah called shortly after I fell asleep in the afternoon, but it was a pleasant interruption. She said she thought of me, and wondered how I was. That was a sweet gesture, and very much appreciated.
Today's also the day I caught up with old friends. Met Jianming for Dinner-II after I had my Dinner-I of economical packet rice at home. Had a king-size mushroom-swiss-heavy-mushroom meal each despite my mum's long-distance-from-shanghai warning that a study-conducted-in-hong-kong showed that french fries are actually, surprise surprise, cancerous. Pretty much every single thing you put in your mouth is hazardous in some way, and since I'm young and not terribly far-sighted, I don't care. Haha. Fries taste good anyway. Although the ones we had tonight were lacking in salt. We'll go back to the catching up with old friends soon right after the next paragraph.
Today shall be known as the day I first stepped foot into Mustafa Centre, the 24-hour shopping centre in Singapore. I used "the" cause I assume it's the only one? Correct me if I'm wrong! Anyway Mustafa was pretty cool, much like the older shopping centres in Shanghai but of course with a lot more offerings. I needed to get washing detegerent and a fan, but since I didn't drive, it would be ridiculous to buy them there and then lug them home on the train. So I didn't. It was quite an experience though, and a point off my mountain-turtle-worm-under-rock scale.
Today's also the day I caught up with old friends-II. After Mustafa, which, incidentally, I walked to together with Jianming from Bugis, we took the NEL back to Hougang where Jianming was supposed to take 89 home from the bus stop at my house. He was telling me about how he enjoyed irritating Janet by smsing her quotes taken from her blog, and I came across the brilliant idea of grabbing my uncle's car and going to pick her for supper. And unlike a million of my other brilliant ideas, we actually implemented it. Picked her up at Eunos MRT and went to 126 for dim sum. Yummy tear-jerking char siew pau, friend prawn roll, prawn chee cheong fan, and hak kao(however u spell it).
The adventures of The Eating Machine continued at the tao huay place along gelyang where we, had soya bean milk and I, a you tiao. Then Sheena came, and I had a bowl of tao huay. And now, I'm starting to get hungry again. Time to sleep, Time to sleep! Church tomorrow!
A photo completely unrelated to this post, but I like it! To my new fans, that's Jasmin, my favourite cousin. =)
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Tag a Chat
Seems like the old tag-board kicked the bucket. In its place is a spanking new chatterbox, so that you, my friends, can continue to post lovely and encouraging comments to uplift my heaviest moods and clear the darkest skies. I'm a lousy poet aren't I. Haha.
If words of beauty come only when the heart is down, then I'll rather never write another.
A thousand heartbreaks waiting in line.
If words of beauty come only when the heart is down, then I'll rather never write another.
A thousand heartbreaks waiting in line.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Save my fingers.
My fingers ache. All 6 of them, save my thumbs and pinkies. I've been climbing really hard, and trying my best not to crimp every single tile I lay my hands on, but still, the first joints on my fingers are swollen and the middle joints hurt when I towel dry my hair.
And yet, I still suck. Had a mock competition recently, organised by NUS and with participants from NUS, NTU and TP. I was in the intermediate category and managed a grand total of 1 out of 4 bonuses and 0 tops. Great huh. There's a consolation though; I managed to finished one of the four problems last night, on my 20++th try. It was a relatively simple problem on the tsunami wall that started off low with a crimper to a inverted slopper on the side wall. Then it's a far left towards the center of the wall to a pink rounded pincher. The next move is a toe hook under the slopper and a quick slap on the edge of the side wall before launching towards a big H-shaped tile on the crest of the tsunami. The next 2 seconds or so will be spent swinging wildly as you desperately try to bring your legs back to the wall and on to the pink pincher and throw a left hand up to grab a crimper, drop your right knee towards the left while you pull yourself up reach for a semi-nice crimper with your right hand. Share that semi-nice crimper and bring your left leg up to the first crimper. Grab a third crimper on the right, sit in on your left leg, and mantle yourself up and over the tsunami wall. The end. Weeli can probably complete the route in one attempt. Haha.
And yet, I still suck. Had a mock competition recently, organised by NUS and with participants from NUS, NTU and TP. I was in the intermediate category and managed a grand total of 1 out of 4 bonuses and 0 tops. Great huh. There's a consolation though; I managed to finished one of the four problems last night, on my 20++th try. It was a relatively simple problem on the tsunami wall that started off low with a crimper to a inverted slopper on the side wall. Then it's a far left towards the center of the wall to a pink rounded pincher. The next move is a toe hook under the slopper and a quick slap on the edge of the side wall before launching towards a big H-shaped tile on the crest of the tsunami. The next 2 seconds or so will be spent swinging wildly as you desperately try to bring your legs back to the wall and on to the pink pincher and throw a left hand up to grab a crimper, drop your right knee towards the left while you pull yourself up reach for a semi-nice crimper with your right hand. Share that semi-nice crimper and bring your left leg up to the first crimper. Grab a third crimper on the right, sit in on your left leg, and mantle yourself up and over the tsunami wall. The end. Weeli can probably complete the route in one attempt. Haha.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Tired
I'm sleepily trying to read my Management and Organisation Textbook. Or rather, I was trying until I decided to blog about my as-of-now horrible day.
Started the day at 715am, doing last minute revision for my Computer Organisation mid-term test at 9am. Thought I was sufficiently prepared, and that since it was an open-book test, it shouldn't be a problem. Boy. I was wrong. The test was 45mins, and, at least to me, damn bloody tough. I wrote gibberish in 2 questions worth a total of 9 marks, and the test is upon 20. I need a miracle to pass. This will be my second failing this semester unless there's some form of divine intervention.
Buck up, buck up! Study! Climb! Program! A million and one things to do. Ok, back to reading, then off to climbing training before coming back and writing a mini-paper on "Happy people are productive people!" for my Management tutorial tomorrow.
I'm a happy guy. I should be productive. Haha.
Daryl and I slaving away at Qingwei's house
Started the day at 715am, doing last minute revision for my Computer Organisation mid-term test at 9am. Thought I was sufficiently prepared, and that since it was an open-book test, it shouldn't be a problem. Boy. I was wrong. The test was 45mins, and, at least to me, damn bloody tough. I wrote gibberish in 2 questions worth a total of 9 marks, and the test is upon 20. I need a miracle to pass. This will be my second failing this semester unless there's some form of divine intervention.
Buck up, buck up! Study! Climb! Program! A million and one things to do. Ok, back to reading, then off to climbing training before coming back and writing a mini-paper on "Happy people are productive people!" for my Management tutorial tomorrow.
I'm a happy guy. I should be productive. Haha.
Daryl and I slaving away at Qingwei's houseSunday, October 01, 2006
a million and one + a million and one = 0
I've a million and one things to do. And I'm doing a million and one things other than the million and one things that I'm supposed to do. The former million and one things refer to things that will yield positive results in important areas of my life such as school, and my fate in an as-of-yet unstarted software firm that might provide the dough I so badly need to live the life I'm living, doing the million and one things that I'm not supposed to be doing. Which brings me to the million and one things that I have been doing that occupies the bulk of my time, leaving me only thin slices of time to accomplish the million and one things that I should be doing.
So what exactly have I been doing? I've been sipping martinis at Morton's in the Oriental Hotel and saketinis at Keyaki's in Pan Pacific. I've had lobster and caviar at 4, Rochester Park along with a magnificent tenderloin. On another occasion, I had a terrible steak at Jerry's BBQ and Grill at Club that first came in medium doneness when I asked for rare, and a tough, rubbery rare after I had it returned. The escargots, beer, and wings were great though.
I tasted the supposed best chicken pie in town - Don's Club or something, ate vietamese beef noodles from Holland V, watched an award-winning french film with a disappointing and abrupt ending - l'enfant, watched the first 10 episodes of the third season of One Tree hill, and drank a few bottles of beer. I played bridge in the wee hours of the morning, watched climbing videos on youtube, drove around Singapore trying to find my way from point A to B, getting hopelessly lost, and arriving eventually after contributing to global warming by burning lots of petrol ... the list goes on.
I am now going to start on one of the million and one things I'm supposed to do, finish up my part of the nusensation project that I'm working on with Daryl and Qingwei, before maybe going to Ikea and getting some cultery .. and a bottle opener; it sucks to have to borrow a bottle opener everytime I feel like a beer.
A mid-term test is coming up of which I am totally unprepared for. Gotta start studying. I've finally visited a cute little doggy at the Pet Hotel in Pasir Ris that my mum has been bugging me for weeks to. I've finished filming a video for my Management module. And I've completed a few surveys for the same module. So I'm not exactly unproductive. But then again, I've a lot more to do, and I failed my maths test with 23/50.
A million and one things are difficult enough to accomplish without having a million and one other things distracting you. Oktoberfest's coming up.
So what exactly have I been doing? I've been sipping martinis at Morton's in the Oriental Hotel and saketinis at Keyaki's in Pan Pacific. I've had lobster and caviar at 4, Rochester Park along with a magnificent tenderloin. On another occasion, I had a terrible steak at Jerry's BBQ and Grill at Club that first came in medium doneness when I asked for rare, and a tough, rubbery rare after I had it returned. The escargots, beer, and wings were great though.
I tasted the supposed best chicken pie in town - Don's Club or something, ate vietamese beef noodles from Holland V, watched an award-winning french film with a disappointing and abrupt ending - l'enfant, watched the first 10 episodes of the third season of One Tree hill, and drank a few bottles of beer. I played bridge in the wee hours of the morning, watched climbing videos on youtube, drove around Singapore trying to find my way from point A to B, getting hopelessly lost, and arriving eventually after contributing to global warming by burning lots of petrol ... the list goes on.
I am now going to start on one of the million and one things I'm supposed to do, finish up my part of the nusensation project that I'm working on with Daryl and Qingwei, before maybe going to Ikea and getting some cultery .. and a bottle opener; it sucks to have to borrow a bottle opener everytime I feel like a beer.
A mid-term test is coming up of which I am totally unprepared for. Gotta start studying. I've finally visited a cute little doggy at the Pet Hotel in Pasir Ris that my mum has been bugging me for weeks to. I've finished filming a video for my Management module. And I've completed a few surveys for the same module. So I'm not exactly unproductive. But then again, I've a lot more to do, and I failed my maths test with 23/50.
A million and one things are difficult enough to accomplish without having a million and one other things distracting you. Oktoberfest's coming up.
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